The Bottled Water Tariff

The Bottled Water Tariff was established in the August riots of 2011 when a 23 year old student with no previous convictions was jailed for the maximum permitted 6 months for the theft of bottled water worth £3.50.


When a member of the well-insulated rich elite, with their absurdist sense of entitlement, is found guilty of stealing from or defrauding others I now assess the appropriate length of his or her sentence based on the Bottled Water Tariff (BWT)

Today’s example is 3 men sent to prison for defrauding a Swiss Bank of $22million.


$22million = approx £14million.

£14million divided by £3.50 (BWT) = 4,000,000

Therefore the value of the bank fraud offence is the equivalent of four million bottled water offences.

This would be 6 months imprisonment on the BWT so this offence should carry a penalty of four million times 6 months. 24,000,000 months.

Divide that by 12 to give a more manageable sentencing unit of years = 2,000,000 years.

If 2 million years seems unreasonable for a $22million fraud, maybe 6 months was unreasonable for £3.50 bottled water.


3 thoughts on “The Bottled Water Tariff

  1. 27 May 2012If Baroness Warsi’s ‘oversight’ is valued at £20k and we apply the bottled water tariff, she should go to prison for 2857 years.

  2. If Barclays LIBOR fraud netted them a benefit equal to the amount they have been fined (this is conservative, fines are usually a fraction of the value of the crime to the beneficiary) £290 million, this is the equivalent of 82, 857,142 bottled water crimes. Which would mean 497,142,857 months in prison. Which is 41,428,571 years jail time. Nice.

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